Existential Angst

My blog is to honor my father and children that have passed away as I search for meaning in their loss.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Life Changing

I have been thinking about the term “Life Changing”. I’ve been undergoing dramatic changes in my inner-life but to the outside observer I can’t believe you’d notice the difference. I drive the same car, live in the same house and am doing the same things. How I feel about these things and my dreams and goals for my life have changed completely. This seems to be ironic that I can be a different person but do the same things.

I could have a life changing event by having my house burnt to the ground, the car stolen and my job lost. It would certainly lead to a lot of changes in my life. When you loose a loved one like a parent or a child, you loose something Inside of your life. The material goods in your life now hold a new meaning and have a new dimension. This dimension for the most part brings sadness to your inner-self as you reflect on the last time they were in your house, your car or what they thought about your job and your life.

This dimension of remorse is a dimension to your life that is always there, but doesn’t show up until it has an emotional impact. This is the real life changing event, the realization that everything in your life doesn’t have just three dimensions. Your things don’t just occupy space and a job isn’t just series of motions over time. I have come to realize that how I feel about the things around me, change me.

My two year old proves this every time he becomes excited about mundane events such as a favorite TV show, seeing a favorite toy or learning something new. Child-like enthusiasm comes from understanding his relationship to the world. He knows that he can be happy about things. He sees this dimension of emotion in everything.

So, I think “life changing” really means becoming conscious of the emotional dimension around us. With this knowledge, we can change our lives and draw close to us that which has meaning and power while removing the things that hold us down and keep us from feeling good.

At the most profound level, understanding that the world around us has an emotional dimension, means that we can change our minds about things and those things will change on that dimension. How I feel about my job is a reflection of the emotional dimension but I can change how I feel about it which changes the job. I can be angry at someone or the memory of someone, and they will reflect the anger back at me every time I think of them. I can forgive them and have that forgiveness reflected back to me, not in the three dimensional world (they may still despise me) but my anger doesn’t work against me as I think of them. To me, that is the real life changing event, to stop working against yourself.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really liked this.
That's very true. Doesn't matter how big the event, life changing can be something as simple as having a life altering thought.

10/17/2005 01:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Charles said...

Hello there Maine native - strange our paths should cross via Google - your heartfelt observations are heartwarming - I have lost parents but not children, but your comments resonate quite deeply - thank you -



3/15/2006 01:27:00 AM  

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