Existential Angst

My blog is to honor my father and children that have passed away as I search for meaning in their loss.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Grieving Native

What does it mean to be grieving? Over the past five years I have lost four children and a father and a grand father. To understand grief, I think I can make a relation to the concept in Maine over how we make a big deal about being a native born Mainer, a “transplant” who moved from somewhere else to Maine or worst of all, you might be a tourist.

Tourists are the worst because they come to Maine for a short time but yet try to tell us what to do with our forests, ocean and sunshine but don’t understand in any way how we live with them. When a tourist tells us to stop cutting trees, which puts us out of work on land that has cultivated trees meant for forestry, we get mad at them.

Transplants are far more difficult because they can vote, but without a heritage of living from these resources they think we are killing our resources by making our lives from it. Though there are more lobsters in the ocean off the coast of Maine then there has ever been, transplants want more restrictions on the fisheries. I think the lobstermen are doing a find job if they can leave a resource better than when they found it.

Natives of Maine grieve. They see what knee-jerk, short-sighted environmentalist from out of state are doing do our way of life, versus what the native Mainer lives with everyday for whom love the Maine environment and give there lives to it. We see what our own government does to keep our state in poverty under a so called liberal agenda but whose ideas are far from progressive. We pay more for taxes, insurance, housing and almost everything else than our close neighbor New Hampshire. Because we know the difference between what should be happening and what is happening, we grieve.

I think this idea of tourist, transplant and native is true for those who have lost loved ones. We have coworkers who think they are doing the right thing by trying to “talk about it” with us. They are just tourists staying just long enough to make themselves feel better about it. I find that I have to lavish them with forgiveness. They really don’t know what they are talking about and though it is painful to me, they really think they are doing the right thing (in some cases). It is best to forgive and forget them.

Transplants to grieving are the friend-of-a-friend grievers. They are the ones who had a good friend from college that went through what you are going through. They are tough to deal with because they do have good information. Somehow thought the story ends with the friend has gone down a spiral so they now live in gutter or blew their brains out. I guess the motto is, don’t be like them.

Then there are the natives to grieving. It will be the person that does something for you without comments or expectations. They know that you don’t need to be warned about anything. If they tell you their story, it is because you asked. Grievers know that silence is the only thing next to God that cannot be reduced or divided and what you really need is God and some quiet time. So if you ask, implied or spoken, their story always ends with, “…and now, I’m here with you.”


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i've been back here 5 times this week...very interesting blog.

mine's not too bad either if you care to have a look. we discuss

10/21/2005 08:27:00 PM  
Blogger All_Bre said...

I wished I had more time to share what I'm thinking about so that I can make it worth it for you to come 5 times a week. I really appreciate it. Please feel free to comment on anything you'd like.

I'd love to read your blog, what's its adddress?

10/22/2005 07:55:00 PM  
Blogger David Jon Peckinpaugh said...


Wow. You have a powerful writing voice... no doubt born of the experiences you have been forced to face.

I can see you have a lot of heart. It is a pleasure to have been turned onto your blog. Thank you for that. I will be back for sure. So please keep sharing.

David Jon

10/30/2005 10:23:00 AM  

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